Zake managed to interview The Old Man himself. Here is the outcome!
Zake: Old man, we were never able to find out your real name, what is it?
Old Man: John? James? Jill? Darn it! I can't remember!
Zake: Can you describe what life was like in Tibia a long time ago?
Old Man:: Well, there weren't enough prunes! and the people! Everyone was ugly back then! But the gods gave us all face-lifts, and made our clubs look less like paddles.
Zake: Interesting...anything else?
Old Man: Yeah, back then the monsters were really stupid!
Zake: Huh? How? I always thought the monsters were pretty smart!
Old Man: Nah, back then, you could stand diagonal to a dragon--
Zake: And hit him without getting killed by his giant fireballs?
Old Man: No! You could roast marshmallows!
Zake: And then what happened?
Old Man: Then... THEY STARTED CHARGING GOLD! It was 20 gold coins per marshmallow! That was a lot back then! You could by a plate set with that kind of money!
Zake: You mean plate armor and plate legs!
Old Man: No, we wore plates back then, big ceramic plates and for a helmet: a pot! It works nearly as well as your new-fangled soldier helms!
Zake: Could you go on with the money charging now?
Old Man: zzzZZZZZzzzzz
Zake: hello?
Old Man: Huh? Oh, sorry, they usually put is in bed by 16:00.
Zake: Please, go on with the story¡
Old Man: Well, the dragons didn't really get smarter, see, aside from the marshmallow idea. The gods saw fit to punish all the monsters because one of them couldn't pronounce the word "run." So they took that powerful laxative I mentioned a long time ago, and made a magical one in the stomach of every monster ever born from then on, so the next time you see a monster, remember: He didn't get smarter by "dancing" around your weapons, he's really just trying to hold it in!
Zake: Eeeww... Next question: What do you owe to your long life?
Old Man: Prunes.
Zake: No, aside from that, we all know prunes do nothing but make you look like one.
Old Man: Prune juice?
Zake: never mind.
Old Man: Hey, I'll tell ya, those prunes healed more quickly than those herbs did. If you ate the wrong herb, you'd make a mess smelly enough to scare away an orc.
Zake: Thanks for sharing¡we really didn't need to know about that¡I'd better conclude this interview before your lips fall off from talking.
Old Man: Hey! Don't be so rude it's only happened once!
